It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
my shit smells like andre
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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