32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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