My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
