Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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