**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
