So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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