If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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