420 ftw
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
