I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
