Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
