She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
