She announced her abortion via fbk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
