He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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