Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
