I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We were destined to go to rehab together
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
