He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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