There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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