I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
