I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
