I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
