taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
