You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I party with great urgency now.
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