Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
