would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
My pussy is not your playground.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize