literally had 100 drinks last night.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
