So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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