remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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