my soul wont recognize me after tonight
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
