my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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