Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
its liver damage thursday
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize