why didn't you poke me back
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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