Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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