i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even my vagina gasped.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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