I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
