You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Randomize
