Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
