bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Randomize
