he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
