there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
