DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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