hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
