we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
organizing the empties. That sober.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
