I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
