So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
