she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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