well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
