I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
