Ambien. No doubt about it.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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