I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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