i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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