Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
