your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize