I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
