shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize