Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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