what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
