No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
