xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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