Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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