I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
