I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Randomize
