I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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