she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
