Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
