I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
