she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
