why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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