I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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