Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
