"it" just moved
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize