God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
