How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
