I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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